Books, lectures and infographics that led to "Ahha!" moments
Epiphany Inducers
I have spent considerable time digging myself out of unhealthy ruts, figuring myself out and learning how to communicate. These are some of the resources (many provided by the awesome therapist I worked with) that changed how I view the world
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD is a book that profoundly changed the way I viewed communication and empathy. Even though there are parts I know I'll likely never master, I feel like it helped me hugely. It clarified and solidified my grasp of both communicating and of processing emotion and helped me understand how to best communicate and be present in an empathetic way in conversations (always a work in progress).
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD is a book recommended to me by my (incredibly wonderful) therapist. It was a revelation - I was gobsmacked by how well she nailed descriptions of the feelings and thought patterns involved. I really appreciated that the approach was all about the internal understanding and healing and rather than confrontational.
Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death by Irvin D. Yalom - This book was my first read about the tenets of existential psychotherapy, and I was blown away by how much I enjoyed it (I didn’t see that coming when a title about death was recommended to me LOL).
The Science of Mindfulness, The ultimate guide to the research on the effects of mindfulness and meditation for our health, psyche, and overall quality of life is an article you can read here: https://www.mindful.org/the-science-of-mindfulness/
This article made me realize that mindfulness isn't woo-woo fringe but a valid evidence-based approach to good mental hygiene.
Practicing mindfulness has profoundly changed my life in innumerable positive ways, and reading this was pivotal in my “getting” it and being willing to give it a try.
Body Neutrality by Natalie Horn, is a 5 page article/infographic which you can see in full here: https://digitalcommons.tacoma.uw.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1079&context=gender_studies
This had a big impact on the way I view my body, and gave me a way to curb my negativity without feeling toxic positivity.
Below are three links to lectures by Stanford professor and researcher Robert Sapolsky that changed the way I understood stress and my relationship to it:
1) The short version you can see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6x9zxSCYbVA
2) The mid-length version is a kinda cheesy yet wonderful BBC TV episode made about his work (which had one of my favorite lines of all times: “Like baboons and British civil servants, these primates organize themselves into distinctly hierarchical groups and subject one another to social stress.” LOL): You can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a58RrLUs4YE
3) The longest (and driest lol) a lecture titled Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers (which is also the title of his book on the subject of stress). Watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9H9qTdserM
This infographic shook my world view of autism and was a “holy crap – that’s me!” moment that got me to take seriously the idea that I might actually be on the spectrum.
30 Seconds to Mindfulness by Phil Boissiere is a short video you can see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ad7HqXEc2Sc
In the video he teaches how to do 3 x 3’s, which are one of my favorite quick mindfulness hacks.
Making Stress Your Friend by Kelly McGonigal is a Ted Talk lecture by a health psychologist that kinda blew my mind with some of her facts and figures about stress – including the amazing gem that researchers have found that it isn’t the stress that kills you… it is thinking that stress kills you that actually does the harm.
Watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcGyVTAoXEU
The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, a TED talk video, was the most convincing argument I heard about the merits of self-compassion, and a key part of my finally understanding the damage negative self-talk inflicts.
Watch the video here:
Turning Toward Difficulty by Vidyamala Birch blew my mind with the game-changing practice of turning towards pain, rather than fighting against it or denying it. This was part of my first experience with understanding the difference between suffering and pain, which foundationally changed how I experience life.
Watch the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqB1nxSWSI8
Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships by Stella Harris - I consider this book a must-read for anybody trying to improve relationship communication. It was a revelation to me in many ways and helped me hugely.
Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski Ph.D. - It's an unfortunately click-baity title for an absolutely brilliant book that every woman (and every man who loves women) should read.
Playing Well With Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Navigating and Exploring the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities by Lee Harrington - I stumbled onto this book about navigating the kink community and was immediately fascinated by the world it described. It made a huge impact on me and led to many adventures and ultimately to my finding my political tribe. (I later got a chance to meet Lee, who is a fascinating character.)